As I have been continuing down this journey of self-discovery and self-development it is very clear that as I change and evolve things around me have to change also. Behaviours, mindsets, priorities all have begun to shift to support the changes occurring in my life. One in particular is in the area of relationships. It is evident not everyone in my life is fit to take the trip or are required to do so. I have to admit it is a hard realization to come to, but nevertheless a rather necessary one nonetheless.
Loss of any kind is difficult to deal with. We often think of loss with respect to death; when someone we know and that is close to us passes away. However there is a kind of loss which has very little to do with the idea of physical death. There are some relationships that are long-term, seasonal or quite frankly were never intended to be established. While going through the process of self-development/self-discovery it is quite necessary for you to discern between the three. And here is where the loss comes in.
A relationship that has run it’s course or does not enhance your life in any way is hard enough to accept, however it is another thing entirely to take the necessary steps to bring the relationship to a close. This is an act of bravery; only the truly strong are able to do it. The reality it is impossible to think you can ever achieve success and accomplish things you’ve never done before with a network of relationships that sabotage progress, cause unnecessary pain and/or stress, or are not on a similar journey of change themselves. In the end conflict will arise and a decision will have to be made. The question is what are you more committed to? The perpetuation of a cycle of negativity or to your journey of transformation leading to purpose and fulfillment.
This is an area of loss I have become comfortable with. At first it was extremely hurtful because I failed to realize the purpose behind it. Not everyone in your life is meant to stay, especially not for as long as we often think. The sad truth is some are not suppose to be in it all…….
As the year comes to a close I strongly encourage you to re-evaluated your circle of friends and relationship network. There may be unforeseen hinderances that will surface due to the relationships you choose to surround yourself with. Although the loss of that relationship may seem too hard to bare it might in fact be your saving grace!!!
Recently I took a break from writing my blogs. During which time I still continued song writing, however I must say the break was absolutely necessary. It was partly due to transitioning from a part-time evening job to a day time job, nonetheless I’m glad I did it. For one it gave me an opportunity to just reflect without feeling the need to write down every thought, idea, concept came across my mind. It also afforded me the opportunity to live life away from deadlines; pressure I pit on myself to regulate productivity as a writer. Thus freeing me to go through the stages of everyday life, and the processes and experiences along the way. This creates room for introspection, which is desperately needed as a writer.
All of which produces great writing. There is a saying that says “When you understand who you are and where you are you can therefore move forward more effectively in goals and in life” (Quote by Yours Truly ~Me~). Yet we live in an age where people cram their calendar and timetable with endless activities and appointments that there never seems be time spend alone. Away from task lists, events, work, recreational activities, social media, the internet and the almighty cell phone!! As if always being busy and involved in a wide variety of things is a sign of knowing your identity and walking in your purpose. But sadly this is not the case.
I’ve heard the greek saying “know thyself” and have thought that statement is easier said than done. The sad reality is it takes a brave soul, one desiring to grow and move beyond their current stage, to pull away and allow time for reflection, introspection, and personal development. Unfortunately many don’t always get the privilege to do so, and even when the opportunity is presented it is seldom taken. Often status, position, social connection and the flow of public accolades chain people to somethings that deep down is unfulfilling and breeds discontentment . Nevertheless the thought of walking away from it all scares them. So they stay accepting the level of disconnect they have with themselves and what they are accomplishing with their lives.
You would be surprised to know that this is a rather pressing issue. I come across it quite regularly. No one knows who they are or where they are going in life. In my last post I shared that I started song writing again. When embarking on any new endeavor one must realize other areas of your life can and will be effected. I have had to pull away to get a greater handle who I am and where I’m going. The time away was absolutely critical; hence the break in my writing. Picking up the pieces of once a shattered dream is a very emotional process. It was a hurtle I had to overcome. This type of issue should not be worked out when surrounded by public spectators.
Taking a break from whatever it is that you do is a gift you give yourself. Don’t withhold from yourself the one thing that is within your power to give…….
Hello One and All!!! I know it I has been some time since my last post. I do apologize for that, but the truth is I have been having the most amazing time. Over the past month I have been on a whirlwind of a roller coaster ride. One with many twists and turn, but nevertheless it is a ride I do not regret getting on. In my last post on October 7th I talked about desire not being enough. These words have never reigned more true. We are all responsible for more than just having a dream and wishing and praying for it to happen. Yet the one thing that is usually within our power to do is often the thing we don’t do or don’t want to do. Keeping in mind there is only some much we as human beings can do factoring in things like time, space and resources, however sitting and waiting for something to happen seems pointless and rather unproductive.
So currently I am tackling a number areas. I have begun song writing and taking guitar lessons. I have never taken guitar lessons before. This is something completely new for me. Song writing, however, is something I used to do a long time ago, but stopped doing because there didn’t seem to be an avenue in which they could be used. And to be honest I wasn’t confident in my writing ability at the time, so achieving success did not seem possible. Now this is where I have experienced the most change; in the area of my perspective and perception of myself.
Your attitude about yourself will play a huge role in the quality of life you end up having. No one is responsible for it. This is an area you have to regulate for yourself. I have often been guilty of “making the quantum leap” down a road of negativity and self-sabotaging trains of thought. I make assumptions through the filter of what once was hindering my quality of life right now. It’s astounding that no matter gifted, talented, capable, strong and independent I am shadows of the past seem to present itself. Nonetheless it is up to me to not negatively categorized myself, boxing me in, therefore not allowing me the freedom to venture into uncharted territory. We similarly blame others for making assumptions about us, but often we make assumptions about ourselves. We limit our own choices, moments of opportunity and genuine happiness due to your own negative/false perceptions. You could be in the most exciting time of your life if you just allow yourself to live it!!
I also forgot to mention I am working with a great musician. He is helping with musical side to my song writing. It was actually nerve racking showing him the songs I had written. In my mind I was thinking “What if they suck and he ends up laughing at me?” But then I thought “Wait a minute…enough of that nonsense!!” These are exactly the type of things that must be nipped in the bud!!
I encourage you today don’t be your worst enemy!! Take a chance and try something new; something you’ve always wanted to do. And if it fails or doesn’t workout at least you’ll know. I would rather know I tried and failed to live with the unknown and regret……
Change is something many of us want, and yet have difficulty accepting. The thought of their current reality changing in anyway makes some very nervous, nevertheless deep with in every heart there is a desire for change. To do more, to be more, to go beyond our current circumstances and reach our highest potential. Needless to say the desire to have change is simply not enough. You must be determined to do what is necessary to bring about the change you desire.
I have always marveled at the number of people who say they are working on a particular goal or earnestly want change in a certain area of their life. To say you are working on something, anything, requires a action plan of some sort. Meaning, you should be doing something ie. taking the necessary steps towards your goal or desired change. I say I marvel because there usually is no evidence that coincides with whatever change they want. It is one thing to have made an attempt towards your goal or have taken some steps forward and experienced a setback. This shows an effort has been made. But you can not say you desire “real” change if you choose to do NOTHING!!
Interestingly enough the desire for change and the willingness to get the job done is often short lived when we hit this little thing called “PROCESS.” All resolve seems to completely go out the window when we see the harsh reality of all the WORK we are required to do. However, we must understand when pursuing anything of worth and value we must be committed for the long hall; until the job is done. The process can not be avoided. In fact the process is a valuable tool which helps us to grow and mature, so that when you achieve success or whatever is you are striving for you are able to manage it with grace, poise and wisdom.
We live in a generation that demands instant gratification. The idea of it being delayed is almost offensive. The truth is success costs something. Whether that is time, money, effort (or all three) you are required to something in order for what you desire to come to pass. Change just doesn’t happen. A goal is not reached by simply wishing. Work is involved. Success comes at a high price. The way I see it the process is like you paying the bill up front.
Do the work because in the end no one else is going to do it for you!!!
Understanding the nature of human behaviour is a never ending area of study. Much can be learned by simply watch people and observing their responses to various situations. Over the years I have noticed a pattern which has proven to be harmful and rather destructive. This combination has the ability to bring someone with amazing capabilities and seemingly limitless potential to their knees. If allowed to go unchecked it will cause great instability in one’s life thereby cultivating an ego size problem. The desire for power, position and control in conjunction with personal insecurity is a toxic connection. These two complex paradigms if allowed to co-exist can end up destroying every possible opportunity one could ever receive. The grip of insecurity together with a position with power and authority can truly be disastrous.
When in a position of authority where the right to make decisions is given one must handled it with EXTREME caution. Although it is unrealistic to wait until an individual is thoroughly prepared/equipped when placed in a role or position such a person should continue to work on their character and/or shortcomings while in their role. There are no perfect people, but life has a way of throwing imperfect people into demanding and influential positions/situations. With no prior notice everything about your life can change over night, nevertheless the weight of the power, influence and authority being extended should never be taken lightly.
I have witnessed individuals with raging gaps of insecurity covertly use their position and power as an avenue in which to gain validation. Often it is fueled by an attempt to make up for negative past experiences or acquire social-emotional support that was never received and even compensate for feelings of inadequacy. In the process of doing this they dominate over individuals, misuse the power and authority given. The sole purpose of this is to fulfill their own personal needs. Operating under the view that they are managing their personal property they used and abused power/authority as if it were a pawn in an chess game. In the end giving them personal gratification.
We live in a world where people are not valued. Where climbing the corporate ladder and gaining success ie. money, power, position and recognition is of the upmost importance. But if you do little research you will see success through the eyes of power and control does not bring happiness or fulfillment. They only lead to destruction where you live a sad, empty, meaningless life. Having aspirations is great!! Part of success is having a goal(s), making a plan, working hard and self-discipline. However the highest form of success is being able to handle the pressure achieving that role or position, and maintaining your integrity while still allowing your character to be refined. Success without character is a big fat F ie. Fail!!
Validation through manipulating powerful or control is a recipe for disaster. I guarantee your success will be short lived. I have had the privilege of learning from other peoples mistakes. I have learned the quest for power and control is highly overrated. It is a key I am not sure I am willing to use. The stakes are just too high….
I desire to be successful and achieve all I am called to do, but the higher you go the greater the risk. The risk of loosing perspective and claiming ownership of something that is not your own.
Honestly being willing to work on yourself on the ground level is the greatest gift you can give yourself. If something comes up and you get moved ahead that’s great and if not consider it a blessing.
Cause if you’re not ready, you’re not ready…….
~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~
Along the road of self discovery I have had to lay aside many things unnecessary for the journey. I am amazed at what junk I have been carrying around with me. But the more I purge myself of things like bitterness, unforgiveness, hurts from the past, distorted perceptions and world views I feel more content with who I am and where my life is going. How I see life, things, people has drastically changed. I have shifted and am continuing to shift in my way of thinking. The one thing that has altered most is my desire to fit in. I have accepted or rather embraced the fact that I will never fit the mold.
In this day and age it means much to be confident; content with who you are, where you’re at and what you feel you are called to do. Nevertheless we live in a society where they are quick to judge and compare, essentially undermine your unique design/make-up as an individual. Needless to say every institution you go through in life manages to reduce you to a number or category leaving no room for originality or distinction. This is where I have always had a problem.
I can name many well know individuals who are original, unique, authentic, exceptional and rather outstanding. When I looked into their stories the majority of them had trouble in school, family issues, poor peer relationships, criminal involvement, etc. Strangely enough the most common theme among them is a “non-conformist” type of attitude. And this is where I actually fit in! My entire life I have been forced to act and behave in a way that suited others. Always pressured to fit the mold of whatever expectation laid out by whoever was in authority over me. Hence I had an issue with rebellion, authority and was at one point every very abstinent. Sadly almost everyone I came across in a position of authority abused it and for some reason hated my strength, boldness and tenacity.
There were many attempts to undermine my integrity, make me feel inferior and cause me to question my gifts and abilities. And it actually worked. However once I realized that I was the one allowing it to happen I began to see things through a different light. My strength, boldness, tenacity is a gift. Being original, authentic and having this kind of distinction is a blessing. I should embrace not fight it!!
I thankful to be at a place in my life where I am comfortable with who I am. Now unfortunately this may rub some people the wrong way. Nevertheless this is something I am willing to live with. It has been my experience that the ones who oppose your originality or distinction are usually the one who wish they had the courage to stand out and be different.
I am thanking God He has truly made me this way. I no longer have the desire to fit in or be accepted my the masses. To be a real person of change you must be willing to break the mold, stand apart and take the road less travelled.
Refining Beauty ~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~
Over the course of just living life you learn a lot of things. Life can be an amazing teacher, but unfortunately we have to be willing students. Lately I’ve been working through a phase of regret and discontentment. If I was really honest at times I even was wallowing in self-pity. Luckily for me it was short lived because we all know where self-pity leads…..Absolutely NO WHERE!! The other benefit I have been blessed with is having great people in my life who lead by example. They don’t speak defeat or have a pessimistic type of attitude. They believe in hard work and allowing life, and it’s many situations, to be worked out over the course of time.
Recently I have been frustrated with where my life is at and the lack of over all progress I have been making. Things are not changing at the pace I would like, but rather everything seems to be at a stand-still. It almost feels like everyone else’s life is moving forward and I stuck in the same stage of development. I am hard working, diligent, resourceful, kind, committed, compassionate and yet my life doesn’t feel like it is producing the results that it should. Sometimes when I am alone I wonder what I am doing wrong as I take an inventory of my life. But the truth is in the mist of the process I am really waiting on the fullness of time.
There is more to life than just randomly making decisions or obtaining the necessary skills to achieve a goal or fulfill a dream. The facilities of higher education neglect to teach you about the times and seasons of life. Some opportunities are only opportunities if they come at the right time. Otherwise they are just land mines causing hurt and pain while leaving a string a casualties behind. I have no desire for that to be my life. Once you realize the time given is for preparation, growth and maturity you are less likely to want to rush ahead; allowing time to run it’s course.
One of the biggest mistakes you can ever do is to constantly compare yourself to other people. Who they are, what they are gifted to do and where they are going in life is entirely different from who you are, your gifts and your path in life. I am so thankful for the timeline I am on and for the process I am in that is uniquely tailored to me. I believe with all my heart I am about to walk into THE most important moment of my life; where purpose, preparation and timing will meet each other. It has taken a lot for me to get to this place. Frankly there were many times when I thought I would never make it. My faith has kept me all this time. The fullness of time has finally come and things are about to move.
Don’t look to move ahead too quickly. Let nature take it’s course and in time you will learn to appreciate process. And when you finally get to where you are suppose to be you will see that waiting for the right time is the best way to be on time for purpose and the fulfillment of your destiny.
Refining Beauty ~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~