Taking a closer look at the nature of dating and relationships has been quite enlightening so far. In my previous post I touched on the “Unspoken Fears” women deal with when in a committed relationship. It has caused me to do my own personal internal spring cleaning; to take a closer look at myself and any insecurities I may have. Many avoid doing it, but I have learned it is needed periodically throughout life. Working through such things affords you the opportunity to grow and mature. This will ensure you have a positive dating experience and help you choose a suitable and compatible life partner. The better you know yourself the more equipped you are to enter into and maintain a life long relationship.
I’ve often wondered why people hide aspects of who they are during the dating process. I’ve even heard stories of individuals who pretend to be someone else through the ENTIRE dating period right up until marriage. This is a frightening thought!! I would assume it is because there are parts of themselves that they are ashamed of or insecure about. For some there may be other reasons, but it has been my observation that this is the case. Yet if building a long, lasting relationship is your end goal, being yourself is the only way to ensure the relationship is successful.
In speaking with a close friend she shared her experiences from a past relationship. In her case she sacrificed much of who she was to make her mate happy. Surrendering her identity out of fear among other things. She subjected herself to a man who was controlling, inconsiderate and unwilling to work on himself or contribute equally to the relationship. Now looking back if she was given another chance to do things over she definitely would. And oddly enough I am at that the same place.
I no longer believe fairly tales, however I do believe in committed relationships based on honesty, respect, acceptance, communication, kindness and trust. I have also held myself back out of fear of rejection. Nevertheless I have come to realize any relationship where I have to change who I am in order for it to work and be accepted is a relationship I don’t want. Don’t forfeit your happiness out of a fear of ending up alone or whatever other thought crosses your mind. Settling for such a reason will only ensure your own unhappiness.
Being happy with yourself is more important than someone else being happy with you…..
We all know there are many differences between the sexes. Since the beginning of time it is very apparent men and women think, feel and perceive things in very different ways. This is especially true in the area of communication. Nevertheless no matter how each sex chooses to engage with each other one must choose to “Break The Silence.” Today’s topic is one that has caused many heated discussions and continues to be debated whenever it comes up in conversation. Just recently I was at a wedding and this particular topic came up during the course of the evening. Unfortunately it kind of put one poor soul on the hot seat, however it did further support my personal theory on the subject.
When first initiating any form of dialog with someone of the opposite sex each side tries to hold out and insists the other person should do it first. It often feels like a group of kindergarden age children refusing to play fairly in a game of tag ie. “You’re it!….No YOU’RE it.” As you can see the pattern and the potential it has to continue unnecessarily. The cycle usually continues because no one is willing to take the first step, be honest about their feelings and show some vulnerability.
I have often wondered WHY men take SO (so, so, so very) long to approach a woman that intrigues them and that they clearly find attractive. I am told it is because they want to be really sure, but come on!! Like how “sure” do you need to be in order to make a move…… Currently in our contemporary society with Feminism and female empowerment there is huge expectation for the woman to establish the lines of communication. I for one am not a fan of this because it give the excuse for the man to do absolutely NOTHING allowing the woman to do all the work. However I can see how this would help a more shy, self-conscious type of guy. At any rate I still feel that expecting the woman to break the silent is an excuse to find your true feelings and invest very little in a relationship you claim you want.
Although I personally am more traditional and want to be pursued if indeed a man has feelings for me I am not opposed to equal levels of disclosers from both sides of the fence. But at the end of the day someone has to take the first step, and I feel the man should do it!!!
Our next post I will have talked to a few different men and women to get their perspective. Like, comment or share!! I would love to her from you!!