2015 has officially begun!! I know many are used to hearing “New year, New Me” slogans or even participating in the timeless tradition of making New Years “resolutions.” Needless to say these things are popular at the start of a new year. It gives structure and motivation to some who are desiring to make significant changes in their lives and to help them achieve certain goals. All in all not a bad thing. Nevertheless for most it is just another “feel good” activity only to camouflage the fear of making any REAL change. It hides the lack of discipline to see a resolution through into an actual lifestyle change. That being said I personally have decided to shift my energy elsewhere.
In the year of 2015, if we are indeed going to break free from the past; its limitations, hinderances, personal insecurities and experience REAL change, approval from other people is something you are going to have to live without. There is a saying that “If you live for people’s approval you will die by their rejection.” And this is a harsh reality for many. Their identity is solely wrapped up in the acceptance and approval of others. It’s as if they are sentenced to live within the confines of someone else’s thoughts, opinions and/or personal like or dislike of who they are. Many surrender their desire for change in some area of their lives (or even worst their dream) because it may in fact directly conflict with someone else’s personal opinion.
It is a dangerous thing to have your self-worth relying so heavily on such individuals. You render the power to people who are often not: A. Walking in their purpose or pursing a dream of any kind, B. Setting goals where they are challenged or stretched in any way (ie. they continually choose what is comfortable and safe), and C. Wanting anything more out of life (ie. they have decided this is as far as they are going to go). They secretly have given up somewhere along the way and whether knowingly or not they want you to remain in the same boat with them. But this is where I draw the line……
In the year of 2015 I have NO desire (whatsoever) to follow people around in circles just because they have given up on their dream and/or purpose AND are afraid to take the necessary steps to move forward. I am not interested in making plans or “new years resolutions” of which I have no intension of following through with. And if this is your desire let me warm you some within your relationship circle may not like or approve of your proposed changes. In fact some relationships may suffer or dare I say end due to your choice! The key is to not let the short term pain impede your ability to make effective long term decision.
Now don’t get me wrong relationships are a wonderful thing; a great blessing. However it shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing whatever dream/goals that is within your heart. Within every relationship love and acceptance should be given freely; it should be a two way street. It should never be withheld at the cost of one’s dream or purpose. That is just too high of a price to pay……
In 2015 choose to breakout and break free from anything or anyone that will impede your progress!! I can honestly say one man’s opinion is not enough for me to forfeit my dream…..
This is the year to be more than ever before. Don’t let anything stop that from happening. A new years resolution is nothing without the boldness to walk it out…..
Understanding the nature of human behaviour is a never ending area of study. Much can be learned by simply watch people and observing their responses to various situations. Over the years I have noticed a pattern which has proven to be harmful and rather destructive. This combination has the ability to bring someone with amazing capabilities and seemingly limitless potential to their knees. If allowed to go unchecked it will cause great instability in one’s life thereby cultivating an ego size problem. The desire for power, position and control in conjunction with personal insecurity is a toxic connection. These two complex paradigms if allowed to co-exist can end up destroying every possible opportunity one could ever receive. The grip of insecurity together with a position with power and authority can truly be disastrous.
When in a position of authority where the right to make decisions is given one must handled it with EXTREME caution. Although it is unrealistic to wait until an individual is thoroughly prepared/equipped when placed in a role or position such a person should continue to work on their character and/or shortcomings while in their role. There are no perfect people, but life has a way of throwing imperfect people into demanding and influential positions/situations. With no prior notice everything about your life can change over night, nevertheless the weight of the power, influence and authority being extended should never be taken lightly.
I have witnessed individuals with raging gaps of insecurity covertly use their position and power as an avenue in which to gain validation. Often it is fueled by an attempt to make up for negative past experiences or acquire social-emotional support that was never received and even compensate for feelings of inadequacy. In the process of doing this they dominate over individuals, misuse the power and authority given. The sole purpose of this is to fulfill their own personal needs. Operating under the view that they are managing their personal property they used and abused power/authority as if it were a pawn in an chess game. In the end giving them personal gratification.
We live in a world where people are not valued. Where climbing the corporate ladder and gaining success ie. money, power, position and recognition is of the upmost importance. But if you do little research you will see success through the eyes of power and control does not bring happiness or fulfillment. They only lead to destruction where you live a sad, empty, meaningless life. Having aspirations is great!! Part of success is having a goal(s), making a plan, working hard and self-discipline. However the highest form of success is being able to handle the pressure achieving that role or position, and maintaining your integrity while still allowing your character to be refined. Success without character is a big fat F ie. Fail!!
Validation through manipulating powerful or control is a recipe for disaster. I guarantee your success will be short lived. I have had the privilege of learning from other peoples mistakes. I have learned the quest for power and control is highly overrated. It is a key I am not sure I am willing to use. The stakes are just too high….
I desire to be successful and achieve all I am called to do, but the higher you go the greater the risk. The risk of loosing perspective and claiming ownership of something that is not your own.
Honestly being willing to work on yourself on the ground level is the greatest gift you can give yourself. If something comes up and you get moved ahead that’s great and if not consider it a blessing.
Cause if you’re not ready, you’re not ready…….
~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~
Along the road of self discovery I have had to lay aside many things unnecessary for the journey. I am amazed at what junk I have been carrying around with me. But the more I purge myself of things like bitterness, unforgiveness, hurts from the past, distorted perceptions and world views I feel more content with who I am and where my life is going. How I see life, things, people has drastically changed. I have shifted and am continuing to shift in my way of thinking. The one thing that has altered most is my desire to fit in. I have accepted or rather embraced the fact that I will never fit the mold.
In this day and age it means much to be confident; content with who you are, where you’re at and what you feel you are called to do. Nevertheless we live in a society where they are quick to judge and compare, essentially undermine your unique design/make-up as an individual. Needless to say every institution you go through in life manages to reduce you to a number or category leaving no room for originality or distinction. This is where I have always had a problem.
I can name many well know individuals who are original, unique, authentic, exceptional and rather outstanding. When I looked into their stories the majority of them had trouble in school, family issues, poor peer relationships, criminal involvement, etc. Strangely enough the most common theme among them is a “non-conformist” type of attitude. And this is where I actually fit in! My entire life I have been forced to act and behave in a way that suited others. Always pressured to fit the mold of whatever expectation laid out by whoever was in authority over me. Hence I had an issue with rebellion, authority and was at one point every very abstinent. Sadly almost everyone I came across in a position of authority abused it and for some reason hated my strength, boldness and tenacity.
There were many attempts to undermine my integrity, make me feel inferior and cause me to question my gifts and abilities. And it actually worked. However once I realized that I was the one allowing it to happen I began to see things through a different light. My strength, boldness, tenacity is a gift. Being original, authentic and having this kind of distinction is a blessing. I should embrace not fight it!!
I thankful to be at a place in my life where I am comfortable with who I am. Now unfortunately this may rub some people the wrong way. Nevertheless this is something I am willing to live with. It has been my experience that the ones who oppose your originality or distinction are usually the one who wish they had the courage to stand out and be different.
I am thanking God He has truly made me this way. I no longer have the desire to fit in or be accepted my the masses. To be a real person of change you must be willing to break the mold, stand apart and take the road less travelled.
Refining Beauty ~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~
In my previous blog I mentioned the negative impact television and the music/fashion industry can have on a female mind. The constance images can set an unrealistic standard for women to follow and cause much harm. More importantly they emphasize very little on valuing a woman’s true inner beauty or promoting a positive self-esteem. Yet with all of this there is still a far greater enemy that women face. One more fierce than any music video, magazine ad, television show or negative childhood. You won’t have to go very far to find this adversary. All you have to do is look in the mirror! Yes, that’s right! You are your own worst enemy or as I’d like to call you “Public Enemy #1!”
Now I know what I have just said may seem a bit harsh, but allow me to explain. Have you ever witnessed (or participated in) this scenario: A group of women are talking. One attempts to given another a compliment. No sooner is the sentence complete does the woman receiving the compliant says “Oh no I’m fat or ugly” or whatever word you care to use. She totally rejects the compliment! Tearing themselves down with their own thoughts and words women speak against who they are. Sadly this occurs often and is quite the norm. The reason why I know this to be true is because I used to do it on a regular basis myself. The filter in which all my thoughts and words ran through was entirely negative. I do believe my upbringing played a part in it, still it is does not mean I have to keep the cycle of dysfunction going. You can change the way you think!
Negative thoughts/self talk is a killer. It destroys any form of real confidence one may have. Too often women base their value on what they have, how they look, their relationship status, if they have children or what they do. All these thing are subject to change. Your value however is unchanging, therefore your confidence should be based on who you are as a person. Yet we give way to negative thoughts/words when we do not meet our own list of criteria. For me I found myself repeating things that were said to me throughout my childhood; things no child should ever hear. Over the years also I added few words of my own. I realized much of what I found myself saying I didn’t actually believe, but they had somehow became a part of me. I had grown accustom to hearing them and change seemed almost impossible. But this is far from the truth!
There is a saying “a house divided against itself can not stand.” You can not love and hate yourself all at the same time. Using your own thoughts and words to tear yourself down is a form of self-hate, plain and simple. You can portray whatever image you like and you might fool some, but the truth will remain. You must stop bashing yourself through your own thoughts and words! Being your own enemy will sabotage whatever quality of life you desire. You deserve a good life, so give yourself permission to have one!
It took me a long time to silence the internal chatter. I had to learn to be more kind and gracious to myself. Confidence begins from the inside and my thoughts and words played a role in that. I was NEVER going to meet every requirement on my list of criteria I had laid out for myself, so why beat myself up?! Being my own enemy was not leading to the life I wanted. Something had to change. I could no longer seek external validation to silent the voices within, that was my job. As my words changed so did my thoughts. Soon I began to see myself in a different light! The past was in the past and I was now free to live without any further self-sabotage!!
Your future will be so much brighter if you were on your own side!
Greetings One and All!! I realize it has been a number of months since my last post. Between my computer crashing and taking it in for repairs twice plus breaking my finger on my writing hand I haven’t written much as of late. The good news is although my finger is still healing something recently happened and it got me thinking. Now this topic reaches a bit beyond the realm of fashion, but it does however strongly look at the idea beauty and peoples personal define of it. And frankly as a woman I know I am not the only one who has thought this, so I am just going to put myself out there!!
There is a saying that says “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. I suppose it is true to some degree. I have often heard this phrase used in a positive ways; to encourage and increase self-esteem or to introduce new points of view. Yet as positive as it may seem I am now seeing it through different eyes.
Growing up I assumed everyone was special and unique in their own way. I was always interested in getting to know the heart of a person rather than just to size them up by what they looked like! However I learned very quickly through society, the media and sadly through certain relationships that this is not how the world works. It was made very clear to me at a young age that appearances are of far greater importance than character, integrity or the condition of one’s heart. The notion “beauty is to be found in every person you meet” is considered outlandish or down right laughable!
So the question is “Who decides?” Because if beauty is truly in the eye of the “beholder” then that leaves everyone subject and at the complete mercy of every person with opinion. Case in point: You have two women. Woman #1 is a fitness model type; aesthetically pleasing by industry standards (fitness/product promotion). Woman #2 is in shape a well, however not to the same degree as woman #1, but nevertheless stunning. Woman #1 does photo shoots and travels due to her physique. Woman #2 does not. Is one more beautiful than the other? The fact that one is a fitness model and is considered beautiful/attractive by a specific group of people does that nullify the beauty of the other woman because she is not in the same category? The answer is NO!! And if by chance a man came along and looked at both women, and decided he was interested in woman #1 that would be his choice. A woman’s beauty needs no affirmation from a man or any other outside source. The sad thing is some men cannot see true beauty, so just because they can’t see does not mean it is not there!!
The truth is REAL beauty goes beyond aesthetics. I am tired a woman’s beauty being reduced to the size of her “rack”, the circumference her backside or any other physical attribute someone chooses to highlight!! Real beauty exudes from within….And if you don’t got it there is no physical enhancement that can compensate for that!! In all honesty I would rather be woman #2 any day of the week. Physical enhancements I can get, weight I can loose, but true beauty….that stuff just ain’t lying around at the local corner store!!!
Know and value your own beauty…if you don’t no one else will!!
I have always found the beauty and fashion industry quite intriguing. Every external feature critically assessed long with any clothing, accessories, and make-up you decide to wear. Then an industry expert (or just somebody with an opinion) shares their opinions and place you whatever category they feel suits you best. Yet I have always wondered are the categories really necessary? Styles and trends obviously need to be categorized some what with respect to various designers and seasonally based fashion, but when speaking about beauty itemizing and labeling seems rather demeaning and down right cruel.
This blog will look at the idea beauty and the fashion industry and the labels/restrictions they have placed on women. We will cover everything from size, skin tones, hair style, extensions, clothing, age, etc. I will be redefining the idea of beauty and all that it implies. In this blog I will promote health and fitness as well as positive self image. Also I will be sharing moments from my personal journey ie. weightloss and discovering my style and claiming my true beauty.
There is a saying that “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and this is true to some degree, however I believe your beauty should not be defined and boxed in by what others feel is beautiful or attractive. A woman’s beauty is so much more that. Join me at we discuss these topics and so much more!!