2015 has officially begun!! I know many are used to hearing “New year, New Me” slogans or even participating in the timeless tradition of making New Years “resolutions.” Needless to say these things are popular at the start of a new year. It gives structure and motivation to some who are desiring to make significant changes in their lives and to help them achieve certain goals. All in all not a bad thing. Nevertheless for most it is just another “feel good” activity only to camouflage the fear of making any REAL change. It hides the lack of discipline to see a resolution through into an actual lifestyle change. That being said I personally have decided to shift my energy elsewhere.
In the year of 2015, if we are indeed going to break free from the past; its limitations, hinderances, personal insecurities and experience REAL change, approval from other people is something you are going to have to live without. There is a saying that “If you live for people’s approval you will die by their rejection.” And this is a harsh reality for many. Their identity is solely wrapped up in the acceptance and approval of others. It’s as if they are sentenced to live within the confines of someone else’s thoughts, opinions and/or personal like or dislike of who they are. Many surrender their desire for change in some area of their lives (or even worst their dream) because it may in fact directly conflict with someone else’s personal opinion.
It is a dangerous thing to have your self-worth relying so heavily on such individuals. You render the power to people who are often not: A. Walking in their purpose or pursing a dream of any kind, B. Setting goals where they are challenged or stretched in any way (ie. they continually choose what is comfortable and safe), and C. Wanting anything more out of life (ie. they have decided this is as far as they are going to go). They secretly have given up somewhere along the way and whether knowingly or not they want you to remain in the same boat with them. But this is where I draw the line……
In the year of 2015 I have NO desire (whatsoever) to follow people around in circles just because they have given up on their dream and/or purpose AND are afraid to take the necessary steps to move forward. I am not interested in making plans or “new years resolutions” of which I have no intension of following through with. And if this is your desire let me warm you some within your relationship circle may not like or approve of your proposed changes. In fact some relationships may suffer or dare I say end due to your choice! The key is to not let the short term pain impede your ability to make effective long term decision.
Now don’t get me wrong relationships are a wonderful thing; a great blessing. However it shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing whatever dream/goals that is within your heart. Within every relationship love and acceptance should be given freely; it should be a two way street. It should never be withheld at the cost of one’s dream or purpose. That is just too high of a price to pay……
In 2015 choose to breakout and break free from anything or anyone that will impede your progress!! I can honestly say one man’s opinion is not enough for me to forfeit my dream…..
This is the year to be more than ever before. Don’t let anything stop that from happening. A new years resolution is nothing without the boldness to walk it out…..
Recently I took a break from writing my blogs. During which time I still continued song writing, however I must say the break was absolutely necessary. It was partly due to transitioning from a part-time evening job to a day time job, nonetheless I’m glad I did it. For one it gave me an opportunity to just reflect without feeling the need to write down every thought, idea, concept came across my mind. It also afforded me the opportunity to live life away from deadlines; pressure I pit on myself to regulate productivity as a writer. Thus freeing me to go through the stages of everyday life, and the processes and experiences along the way. This creates room for introspection, which is desperately needed as a writer.
All of which produces great writing. There is a saying that says “When you understand who you are and where you are you can therefore move forward more effectively in goals and in life” (Quote by Yours Truly ~Me~). Yet we live in an age where people cram their calendar and timetable with endless activities and appointments that there never seems be time spend alone. Away from task lists, events, work, recreational activities, social media, the internet and the almighty cell phone!! As if always being busy and involved in a wide variety of things is a sign of knowing your identity and walking in your purpose. But sadly this is not the case.
I’ve heard the greek saying “know thyself” and have thought that statement is easier said than done. The sad reality is it takes a brave soul, one desiring to grow and move beyond their current stage, to pull away and allow time for reflection, introspection, and personal development. Unfortunately many don’t always get the privilege to do so, and even when the opportunity is presented it is seldom taken. Often status, position, social connection and the flow of public accolades chain people to somethings that deep down is unfulfilling and breeds discontentment . Nevertheless the thought of walking away from it all scares them. So they stay accepting the level of disconnect they have with themselves and what they are accomplishing with their lives.
You would be surprised to know that this is a rather pressing issue. I come across it quite regularly. No one knows who they are or where they are going in life. In my last post I shared that I started song writing again. When embarking on any new endeavor one must realize other areas of your life can and will be effected. I have had to pull away to get a greater handle who I am and where I’m going. The time away was absolutely critical; hence the break in my writing. Picking up the pieces of once a shattered dream is a very emotional process. It was a hurtle I had to overcome. This type of issue should not be worked out when surrounded by public spectators.
Taking a break from whatever it is that you do is a gift you give yourself. Don’t withhold from yourself the one thing that is within your power to give…….
Hello One and All!!! I know it I has been some time since my last post. I do apologize for that, but the truth is I have been having the most amazing time. Over the past month I have been on a whirlwind of a roller coaster ride. One with many twists and turn, but nevertheless it is a ride I do not regret getting on. In my last post on October 7th I talked about desire not being enough. These words have never reigned more true. We are all responsible for more than just having a dream and wishing and praying for it to happen. Yet the one thing that is usually within our power to do is often the thing we don’t do or don’t want to do. Keeping in mind there is only some much we as human beings can do factoring in things like time, space and resources, however sitting and waiting for something to happen seems pointless and rather unproductive.
So currently I am tackling a number areas. I have begun song writing and taking guitar lessons. I have never taken guitar lessons before. This is something completely new for me. Song writing, however, is something I used to do a long time ago, but stopped doing because there didn’t seem to be an avenue in which they could be used. And to be honest I wasn’t confident in my writing ability at the time, so achieving success did not seem possible. Now this is where I have experienced the most change; in the area of my perspective and perception of myself.
Your attitude about yourself will play a huge role in the quality of life you end up having. No one is responsible for it. This is an area you have to regulate for yourself. I have often been guilty of “making the quantum leap” down a road of negativity and self-sabotaging trains of thought. I make assumptions through the filter of what once was hindering my quality of life right now. It’s astounding that no matter gifted, talented, capable, strong and independent I am shadows of the past seem to present itself. Nonetheless it is up to me to not negatively categorized myself, boxing me in, therefore not allowing me the freedom to venture into uncharted territory. We similarly blame others for making assumptions about us, but often we make assumptions about ourselves. We limit our own choices, moments of opportunity and genuine happiness due to your own negative/false perceptions. You could be in the most exciting time of your life if you just allow yourself to live it!!
I also forgot to mention I am working with a great musician. He is helping with musical side to my song writing. It was actually nerve racking showing him the songs I had written. In my mind I was thinking “What if they suck and he ends up laughing at me?” But then I thought “Wait a minute…enough of that nonsense!!” These are exactly the type of things that must be nipped in the bud!!
I encourage you today don’t be your worst enemy!! Take a chance and try something new; something you’ve always wanted to do. And if it fails or doesn’t workout at least you’ll know. I would rather know I tried and failed to live with the unknown and regret……
When I first began this blog I focused a lot on body image, weight, self-esteem relating to a woman’s appearance and the many other labels society places on women. However since my first post things have evolved. I myself have embraced my own process of transformation. A journey that is far more life changing and meaningful than how much I weight or what size clothes I wear. Nevertheless since embarking upon this journey I have also taken some time to do some self-reflection. In my previous blog “Breaking The Cycle” I talked about patterns of behaviour and how they can impact our progress and hinder our success. Having a victim mentality is yet another way your life can be brought to a complete stand still. I like to call it “The Blame Game.”
Having a victim mentality is a depilating mindset. It’s crippling effects will render someone helpless, and the sad part is their helplessness is only an illusion. It comes from how they perceive their current circumstances; the who, what, where and how it came about. This train of thought will lead you around in circles achieving very little. Windows of opportunities are lost, failure becomes a reoccurring theme and all you are left with is pain and regret at which point blame is distributed. Needless to say the blame never seems to rest on the individual going through the circumstance or situation. The buck is passed; it is ALWAYS someone else’s fault.
The blame game can consume days, weeks, even years of a person’s life. Complaining and mediating on what transpired, what should have happened or not happen and what someone else should have done; shoulda, woulda, coulda!!! The truth is there only one person responsible for your life and that is YOU!! Having a victim mentally causes you sit and wait for someone to do for you what you can actuality do yourself. It all come to choice. The life YOU choose to live. Whatever journey you are on or process you are walking through you decide how much of it you will impact my life; whether in a positive or negative way. I have learned first hand that the “blame game” never turns out well. In fact you will 99.9% loose in the end.
In Social Work there is a term often used, “Taking Ownership.” Take ownership for your life and the choices that are within your power to make. They may directly impact the next 20 years of your life!!!
I know….Where have I been?! There is so much I can that would fully explain my disappearing act, however there is two words which sums it all up: “In Process.” This journey of accepting myself, changing careers and discovering the deeper parts of who I am has been a major endeavor. This type of transformation leaves one quiet, reflective and feeling quite lonely. They say a change of this kind usually occurs in your late teens/early twenties, but the truth is it can happen at any age or at any time. You simply have to be open to it and willing to do the necessary work to complete the process. I have experienced many highs and lows thus far, nevertheless they have all played a role in moving me into a greater sense of purpose and identity. Some call it an awakening or an epiphany, but I’d rather call it seeing what lies “Beneath The Surface.”
The journey of self-discovery is one trip everyone should at once (or twice) in their life time. Life experiences and events have a way of shaping many aspects of who we are. I guess that’s why I ended up in Social Services serving youth and families. The study of human behaviour, the nature of families and how we relate to one another has always interested me. Yet I have come to realize we don’t take the same time to assess and critique ourselves; analyzing our own patterns of behaviour, take inventory of our own thoughts and boldly looking behind things in our lives that are just taking up space. This is where the work really is. Asking yourself the hard questions and being willing to search for the answers.
Some think if you get a new wardrobe or hairstyle, job/position, house or relationship that you have somehow transformed or invented yourself. In some small way you have, but that is not the kind I am referring to. Real transformation happens from the inside out. Looking at yourself – the good, the bad and the ugly – and deciding to make changes. Going beyond the temporal circumstances of life and seeing all that is within you. This is not an easy thing. Truth be told this process has probably been the most challenging time of my life. Enduring the pain, discomfort, uncertainty, loneliness and at times even shame until I arrive at a deeper understanding of who I am and what the next phase in my life will be.
We live in a age where people hide. Hiding who they are, how they REALLY feel about themselves and where they are at in life. They hide behind relationships, position, social status’, money and so much more. I for one got tired of wearing a mask a long time ago and I made a promise to myself. That I would do whatever it takes to ensure my freedom to walk boldly and confidently, with my head held up high, no matter the current circumstances. This resolve has allowed me to cultivate gift I didn’t know I had and firmly ground myself in all that I am 🙂
Being authentic and genuine is offend the road less travelled. You wouldn’t think that, unfortunately it is true. Whatever process you choose to start be committed to seeing through until the end. Don’t cheat yourself; you are worth it!!
And keep in mind you have to dig for gold and it gets purified through heat and fire. Make the hard, but good choices. They may in fact lead you into probably the greatest chapter of your life.
Greetings Everyone!! I do apologize for the delay of this post. I did not post last week because I have been grappling with this particular idea and struggled to convey it in a way that would clearly express a clear of thought. However I am thankful for recent conversation I had with a dear friend. It has helped me to gain a broader perspective and much clarity enabling me to move ahead with this blog. So here it is!!
How we relate to one another is a telling sign of the unspoken things within our heart. Evidently people often forget over 80% of communication is body language. Much of what you say has nothing to do with actual “WORDS”. What you do and how you behave will always tell someone how you really feel. I have longed learned to see behind the plexiglass smile in search of the deeper things. Through years of observation, having relationships and just living life I have noticed a distinct pattern. At first I thought it was my own perspective for it can be a little jaded at times, but through various conversations with different women from all walks of life, age demographics and cultural lineages it is evident there is cause for concern.
Although women are very caring, nurturing, compassionate individuals there is another side to our gentle nature. This side usually is not the dominant one; the one influencing all our decisions, affecting our judgement or impacts our relationships. Nevertheless it is a side that lurk underneath the surface and comes to light whenever provoked. This side am I referring to is much more primal. The one that is cunning, calculating, decisive and at times even deceptive. The need for this nature does occasionally come in handy for genuine self defense purposes and when protecting someone else. Yet sadly I have found it being used more often for self-serving agendas.
The driving force for this primal nature is FEAR. It comes to light whenever a woman is feeling threatened, insecure. Also if there is a possibly of her loosing something or someone and if she is endangered of not getting what she wants. It will cause her to turn on family members, destroy a friendship, cross anyone and immediately change allegiances if it meets the sole purpose of protecting her personal interests. I have seen it happen far too many times to deny there is merit to this argument. For I too have experienced the wrath of the darker side.
A number of years ago I agreed to help my mother with something. She’d asked me for help before, so it didn’t seem like anything our of the ordinary; only to find out in the end she had been withholding information, lying to my face and using me for her own selfish agenda. Clearly she was building a house of cards and I was the last to know. When everything came crashing down I was astonished and mortified that she was capable of doing such a thing, and to her own daughter! She was blinded by her own need and fear drove her to across a line any loving mother would normally NEVER cross.
Now I know I am not a Psychologist, Psychiatrist or a Therapist, but I have noticed men seem to not have this particular hang-up (at least most of them). We as women are ALL susceptible to giving in to these tendencies specially during moments when we feel threatened, vulnerability, etc. How we relate to each other will forever shed light on our own issues as individuals. If we frequently feel the need to resort to such tactics it is a clear indication of a large issue.