A Real Resolution

2015 has officially begun!! I know many are used to hearing “New year, New Me” slogans or even participating in the timeless tradition of making New Years “resolutions.” Needless to say these things are popular at the start of a new year. It gives structure and motivation to some who are desiring to make significant changes in their lives and to help them achieve certain goals. All in all not a bad thing. Nevertheless for most it is just another “feel good” activity only to camouflage the fear of making any REAL change. It hides the lack of discipline to see a resolution through into an actual lifestyle change. That being said I personally have decided to shift my energy elsewhere.

In the year of 2015, if we are indeed going to break free from the past; its limitations, hinderances, personal insecurities and experience REAL change, approval from other people is something you are going to have to live without. There is a saying that “If you live for people’s approval you will die by their rejection.” And this is a harsh reality for many. Their identity is solely wrapped up in the acceptance and approval of others. It’s as if they are sentenced to live within the confines of someone else’s thoughts, opinions and/or personal like or dislike of who they are. Many surrender their desire for change in some area of their lives (or even worst their dream) because it may in fact directly conflict with someone else’s personal opinion.

It is a dangerous thing to have your self-worth relying so heavily on such individuals. You render the power to people who are often not: A. Walking in their purpose or pursing a dream of any kind, B. Setting goals where they are challenged or stretched in any way (ie. they continually choose what is comfortable and safe), and C. Wanting anything more out of life (ie. they have decided this is as far as they are going to go). They secretly have given up somewhere along the way and whether knowingly or not they want you to remain in the same boat with them. But this is where I draw the line……

In the year of 2015 I have NO desire (whatsoever) to follow people around in circles just because they have given up on their dream and/or purpose AND are afraid to take the necessary steps to move forward. I am not interested in making plans or “new years resolutions” of which I have no intension of following through with. And if this is your desire let me warm you some within your relationship circle may not like or approve of your proposed changes. In fact some relationships may suffer or dare I say end due to your choice! The key is to not let the short term pain impede your ability to make effective long term decision.

Now don’t get me wrong relationships are a wonderful thing; a great blessing. However it shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing whatever dream/goals that is within your heart. Within every relationship love and acceptance should be given freely; it should be a two way street. It should never be withheld at the cost of one’s dream or purpose. That is just too high of a price to pay……

In 2015 choose to breakout and break free from anything or anyone that will impede your progress!! I can honestly say one man’s opinion is not enough for me to forfeit my dream…..

This is the year to be more than ever before. Don’t let anything stop that from happening. A new years resolution is nothing without the boldness to walk it out…..

Refining Beauty

~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~

Necessary Loss

As I have been continuing down this journey of self-discovery and self-development it is very clear that as I change and evolve things around me have to change also. Behaviours, mindsets, priorities all have begun to shift to support the changes occurring in my life. One in particular is in the area of relationships. It is evident not everyone in my life is fit to take the trip or are required to do so. I have to admit it is a hard realization to come to, but nevertheless a rather necessary one nonetheless.

Loss of any kind is difficult to deal with. We often think of loss with respect to death; when someone we know and that is close to us passes away. However there is a kind of loss which has very little to do with the idea of physical death. There are some relationships that are long-term, seasonal or quite frankly were never intended to be established. While going through the process of self-development/self-discovery it is quite necessary for you to discern between the three. And here is where the loss comes in.

A relationship that has run it’s course or does not enhance your life in any way is hard enough to accept, however it is another thing entirely to take the necessary steps to bring the relationship to a close. This is an act of bravery; only the truly strong are able to do it. The reality it is impossible to think you can ever achieve success and accomplish things you’ve never done before with a network of relationships that sabotage progress, cause unnecessary pain and/or stress, or are not on a similar journey of change themselves. In the end conflict will arise and a decision will have to be made. The question is what are you more committed to? The perpetuation of a cycle of negativity or to your journey of transformation leading to purpose and fulfillment.

This is an area of loss I have become comfortable with. At first it was extremely hurtful because I failed to realize the purpose behind it. Not everyone in your life is meant to stay, especially not for as long as we often think. The sad truth is some are not suppose to be in it all…….

As the year comes to a close I strongly encourage you to re-evaluated your circle of friends and relationship network. There may be unforeseen hinderances that will surface due to the relationships you choose to surround yourself with. Although the loss of that relationship may seem too hard to bare it might in fact be your saving grace!!!

Refining Beauty

~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~

Fitting The Mold

Along the road of self discovery I have had to lay aside many things unnecessary for the journey. I am amazed at what junk I have been carrying around with me. But the more I purge myself of things like bitterness, unforgiveness, hurts from the past, distorted perceptions and world views I feel more content with who I am and where my life is going. How I see life, things, people has drastically changed. I have shifted and am continuing to shift in my way of thinking. The one thing that has altered most is my desire to fit in. I have accepted or rather embraced the fact that I will never fit the mold.

In this day and age it means much to be confident; content with who you are, where you’re at and what you feel you are called to do. Nevertheless we live in a society where they are quick to judge and compare, essentially undermine your unique design/make-up as an individual. Needless to say every institution you go through in life manages to reduce you to a number or category leaving no room for originality or distinction. This is where I have always had a problem.

I can name many well know individuals who are original, unique, authentic, exceptional and rather outstanding. When I looked into their stories the majority of them had trouble in school, family issues, poor peer relationships, criminal involvement, etc. Strangely enough the most common theme among them is a “non-conformist” type of attitude. And this is where I actually fit in! My entire life I have been forced to act and behave in a way that suited others. Always pressured to fit the mold of whatever expectation laid out by whoever was in authority over me. Hence I had an issue with rebellion, authority and was at one point every very abstinent. Sadly almost everyone I came across in a position of authority abused it and for some reason hated my strength, boldness and tenacity.

There were many attempts to undermine my integrity, make me feel inferior and cause me to question my gifts and abilities. And it actually worked. However once I realized that I was the one allowing it to happen I began to see things through a different light. My strength, boldness, tenacity is a gift. Being original, authentic and having this kind of distinction is a blessing. I should embrace not fight it!!

I thankful to be at a place in my life where I am comfortable with who I am. Now unfortunately this may rub some people the wrong way. Nevertheless this is something I am willing to live with. It has been my experience that the ones who oppose your originality or distinction are usually the one who wish they had the courage to stand out and be different.

I am thanking God He has truly made me this way. I no longer have the desire to fit in or be accepted my the masses. To be a real person of change you must be willing to break the mold, stand apart and take the road less travelled.

Refining Beauty
~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~

Twitter: @littleroseca

Public Enemy Number #1

In my previous blog I mentioned the negative impact television and the music/fashion industry can have on a female mind.  The constance images can set an unrealistic standard for women to follow and cause much harm.  More importantly they emphasize very little on valuing a woman’s true inner beauty or promoting a positive self-esteem.  Yet with all of this there is still a far greater enemy that women face.  One more fierce than any music video, magazine ad, television show or negative childhood.  You won’t have to go very far to find this adversary.  All you have to do is look in the mirror!  Yes, that’s right!  You are your own worst enemy or as I’d like to call you “Public Enemy #1!”

Now I know what I have just said may seem a bit harsh, but allow me to explain.  Have you ever witnessed (or participated in) this scenario: A group of women are talking.  One attempts to given another a compliment.  No sooner is the sentence complete does the woman receiving the compliant  says “Oh no I’m fat or ugly” or whatever word you care to use.  She totally rejects the compliment! Tearing themselves down with their own thoughts and words women speak against who they are.  Sadly this occurs often and is quite the norm.  The reason why I know this to be true is because I used to do it on a regular basis myself.  The filter in which all my thoughts and words ran through was entirely negative.  I do believe my upbringing played a part in it, still it is does not mean I have to keep the cycle of dysfunction going.  You can change the way you think!

Negative thoughts/self talk is a killer.  It destroys any form of real confidence one may have.  Too often women base their value on what they have, how they look, their relationship status, if they have children or what they do.  All these thing are subject to change.  Your value however is unchanging, therefore your confidence should be based on who you are as a person.  Yet we give way to negative thoughts/words when we do not meet our own list of criteria.  For me I found myself repeating things that were said to me throughout my childhood; things no child should ever hear.  Over the years also I added few words of my own.  I realized much of what I found myself saying I didn’t actually believe, but they had somehow became a part of me.  I had grown accustom to hearing them and change seemed almost impossible.  But this is far from the truth!

There is a saying “a house divided against itself can not stand.”  You can not love and hate yourself all at the same time.  Using your own thoughts and words to tear yourself down is a form of self-hate, plain and simple.  You can portray whatever image you like and you might fool some, but the truth will remain.  You must stop bashing yourself through your own thoughts and words!  Being your own enemy will sabotage whatever quality of life you desire.  You deserve a good life, so give yourself permission to have one!

It took me a long time to silence the internal chatter.  I had to learn to be more kind and gracious to myself. Confidence begins from the inside and my thoughts and words played a role in that.  I was NEVER going to meet every requirement on my list of criteria I had laid out for myself, so why beat myself up?!  Being my own enemy was not leading to the life I wanted.  Something had to change.  I could no longer seek external validation to silent the voices within, that was my job.  As my words changed so did my thoughts.  Soon I began to see myself in a different light!  The past was in the past and I was now free to live without any further self-sabotage!!

Your future will be so much brighter if you were on your own side!

Refining Beauty

~I am fearfully and wonderfully made~