Taking a closer look at the nature of dating and relationships has been quite enlightening so far. In my previous post I touched on the “Unspoken Fears” women deal with when in a committed relationship. It has caused me to do my own personal internal spring cleaning; to take a closer look at myself and any insecurities I may have. Many avoid doing it, but I have learned it is needed periodically throughout life. Working through such things affords you the opportunity to grow and mature. This will ensure you have a positive dating experience and help you choose a suitable and compatible life partner. The better you know yourself the more equipped you are to enter into and maintain a life long relationship.
I’ve often wondered why people hide aspects of who they are during the dating process. I’ve even heard stories of individuals who pretend to be someone else through the ENTIRE dating period right up until marriage. This is a frightening thought!! I would assume it is because there are parts of themselves that they are ashamed of or insecure about. For some there may be other reasons, but it has been my observation that this is the case. Yet if building a long, lasting relationship is your end goal, being yourself is the only way to ensure the relationship is successful.
In speaking with a close friend she shared her experiences from a past relationship. In her case she sacrificed much of who she was to make her mate happy. Surrendering her identity out of fear among other things. She subjected herself to a man who was controlling, inconsiderate and unwilling to work on himself or contribute equally to the relationship. Now looking back if she was given another chance to do things over she definitely would. And oddly enough I am at that the same place.
I no longer believe fairly tales, however I do believe in committed relationships based on honesty, respect, acceptance, communication, kindness and trust. I have also held myself back out of fear of rejection. Nevertheless I have come to realize any relationship where I have to change who I am in order for it to work and be accepted is a relationship I don’t want. Don’t forfeit your happiness out of a fear of ending up alone or whatever other thought crosses your mind. Settling for such a reason will only ensure your own unhappiness.
Being happy with yourself is more important than someone else being happy with you…..
The area of relationships is one that I could spend many hours of study. Human behavior is so fascinating; the how’s and why’s behind peoples thoughts and behaviours have alway peaked my interest. Needless to say in the area of dating or dare I say romance I have found it rather intriguing, but at the same time perplexing. Over the next couple of weeks (or maybe longer) I am going to be digging into the matter of relationship between men and women.
I will be sharing sharing some of my own personal experiences as well as some stories from a few of my close friends. We will be looking at why women act or respond in certain ways ie. what are our triggers and areas of sensitivity, and the same with regards to men. I will be relying on some of my male friends to to fill in the missing pieces when it comes to the male species.
I look forward to this series evolving and I hope you will join me as I delve deeper into this topic!!
Hello Everyone!! I trust you all are enjoying your summer!! I can honestly say that I am!! The weather has finally warmed up and I am venturing outside to enjoy it. I have been doing a lot of walking. It is a great way to get some exercise, but it also gives me time to reflect on where I am and where I’m going. Most importantly it has given me time to think through what my next steps will be. As I said before embarking on this journey of transformation has been a major endeavor, however I have gladly taken on the challenge. Of course it is has not been without it’s challenges, nevertheless it has also come with many successes.
Now I know my last post “The Blame Game” was a number of weeks ago, yet much of what I am experiencing now is the ripple effects of walking through the last stage of this current process. By taking an honest look at myself ie. weaknesses and shortcomings I am better able to improve those areas, therefore enabling me to move forward into the things I know I am destined to do with my life. That being said even with all the assessing and critiquing I have begun to walk in a new level of confidence. Confidence in who I can, my area of gifting and abilities, but most importantly a greater acceptance in the uniqueness of my journey, and where this path is leading me.
Only recently I realized how much the approval or disapproval of others still influenced me (the way I think and feel about myself) and impacted the decisions I made. In many of my previous blogs I spoke about being unique, original, different and truly embracing that, however the truth is these routes often comes with periods of loneliness, being misunderstood and feelings of isolation. Things I frequently like to avoid. But to truly make an impact or a mark in this world you must be willing to stand alone and confidently following the vision within your heart. Sometime the harshest of life’s experience mold and shape our character, therefore preparing us for what is up ahead.
You are on shaky ground if you are constantly seeking the approval and affirmation of others. People are fickle and their opinion changes like the wind, therefore you can not leave it up to the general public or even close friends or family to always agree with the plans and purposes for your life. Well meaning as they may be you as an individual must be confident in who you are and the decisions you are making for your life.
It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson; in some way I am still learning it. At times I feel I should have already passed this stage and then I remember there is no shame in desiring to improve yourself. No matter the age or stage self improvement never goes out of style. Confidently walk in who you are. Don’t allow things that are subject to change influence your perception or decision making.
So I feel it is quite apparent from my previous posts that I believe:
A woman’s size does not determine her beauty or her value.
That true beauty transcends beyond a person’s physique.
Whatever the size a woman should wear and have access to stylish, flattering, sexy clothing!
I do also fully support a healthy lifestyle; one which incorporates a healthy diet and regular exercise. However regardless of the stage a woman is at in her life she still needs to where clothes, right?! And I am always been intrigued at the fashion choices for the larger than average size woman. As I have mentioned before I have been plus size for the majority of my life, which includes middle childhood, adolescents and young adult/adulthood. Currently I am on the lower end of the plus size spectrum, but still am categorized as plus size nonetheless.
As a young girl I hated clothing clothing. I disliked shopping in general. Going from store to store, trying on item after item, searching through bins and racks, it was hardly my idea of a fun time. I always saw it as a task that had to be done rather than a experience to be enjoyed. You see when I was in elementary school and high school plus size clothing across the board was dreadful (at least on the Canadian side of the boarder). There were only a few places to shop and style seemed like a foreign concept. Anything that could possibly fit me seemed only appropriate for a senior adult or elderly person.
I soon then turned to shopping in the mens department; sad, but true. It was easier to find sizes to fit and I felt less awkward (go figure). As long I found clothing that fit I was happy and relieved. But a lot of time has passed since then and I haven’t fully let go of my “frump” girl complex. Even when I began to loose weight I was continuing to wear larger size clothing. Still working through the shame I felt towards my body I felt extremely uncomfortable to have it exposed in any way. So I remained in hiding. Even with my massive weight-loss in 2006/2007 I have had a hard time adjusting to wearing different clothing and seeing myself in a new light.
Since then I have yo-yoed up and down with my weight like I fluctuate regarding my clothing selection. Granted there are more options for women who are not a size 2 (namely me!), but I have yet to completely crossed over to the other side. I do the girly girl thing for a few weeks or so (if that) and then I’m back to my track pants, t-shirts, hats and head-ties (guy type stuff). If it wasn’t for going to church I don’t think I would ever dress up at all! So here I am. In the process of letting go of the old me while embracing the new me.
As I continue to walk out this journey I encourage you to take it one step at a time knowing that who you are or were does not determine who you will become. In the end you just might surprise yourself!!