The area of relationships is one that I could spend many hours of study. Human behavior is so fascinating; the how’s and why’s behind peoples thoughts and behaviours have alway peaked my interest. Needless to say in the area of dating or dare I say romance I have found it rather intriguing, but at the same time perplexing. Over the next couple of weeks (or maybe longer) I am going to be digging into the matter of relationship between men and women.
I will be sharing sharing some of my own personal experiences as well as some stories from a few of my close friends. We will be looking at why women act or respond in certain ways ie. what are our triggers and areas of sensitivity, and the same with regards to men. I will be relying on some of my male friends to to fill in the missing pieces when it comes to the male species.
I look forward to this series evolving and I hope you will join me as I delve deeper into this topic!!
It is amazing how time is just flying by!! The first month of 2015 is coming to an end and so much has already begun to take place. In my last post I spoke about a “Real Resolution”; the kind that would actually bring about a change in your life. However the kind of change I proposed is not for the weak or faint at heart. It requires a bold, stout hearted individual to stand against personal fears, face insecurities, and step out from the crowd and be different!! I have to admit it, even thinking about it I experience butterflies in my stomach. For although I write about these things and I am committed to walking these principles out in my own life I am not exempt from the process or from how it affects me as an individual.
To this day I still experience fear when having to face certain situations. I often am frustrated at my responses because it almost feels like a “Knee Jerk Reaction.” Many times when I recount the incident over in my mind my first question usually is “Why did I do that or respond in that way?” Over the course of picking the situation apart it all boiled down to one word. Fear! I have to say that in the moment it isn’t always clear that I am afraid. However what is extremely evident is how quick I unconsciously go into defense mode, hence the knee jerk reaction.
An area as personal and intrinsic as fear is something that should not be overlooked. Taking the time to ask yourself these questions is important if you desire to uncover what is causing your responses to certain situations. I am NOT talking about mediation or listening to your inner voice. I am saying look at the hard facts. Remove the rose coloured glasses and get to the root of action/reaction or pattern of behaviour that may in fact be hindering your life in some way.
We have a tendency to gloss over the little things that we say or do and categorize them an idiosyncrasies ie. “quirks” in our personality. Nevertheless something impulsive as a “knee jerk reaction” if not addressed can be potentially dangerous. It usually comes with no warning and is driven by very strong emotion. Often the target of this kind of response is unsuspecting. It catches them completely off guard. At one point we all have be on the receiving end of this and I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant. Thinking about the person on the receiving end of such an outburst can help with choosing how to respond.
I strongly suggest in those moments to not respond or at least say as little as possible. Take some time to reflect on the situation, consult with someone who you respect and has a track record of giving sound (wise) advice. I personally pray about these type of issues. I gain much clarity and am able to work through my emotions more effectively. All this is to say take time to think before responding. Some times when facing fear a bold and courageous response is in order. Thus breaking intimidation and feelings of inferiority. However a knee jerk response is birthed out of a perceived fear and is usually associated to a past experience or false perception.
Hello Everyone!! I trust you all are enjoying your summer!! I can honestly say that I am!! The weather has finally warmed up and I am venturing outside to enjoy it. I have been doing a lot of walking. It is a great way to get some exercise, but it also gives me time to reflect on where I am and where I’m going. Most importantly it has given me time to think through what my next steps will be. As I said before embarking on this journey of transformation has been a major endeavor, however I have gladly taken on the challenge. Of course it is has not been without it’s challenges, nevertheless it has also come with many successes.
Now I know my last post “The Blame Game” was a number of weeks ago, yet much of what I am experiencing now is the ripple effects of walking through the last stage of this current process. By taking an honest look at myself ie. weaknesses and shortcomings I am better able to improve those areas, therefore enabling me to move forward into the things I know I am destined to do with my life. That being said even with all the assessing and critiquing I have begun to walk in a new level of confidence. Confidence in who I can, my area of gifting and abilities, but most importantly a greater acceptance in the uniqueness of my journey, and where this path is leading me.
Only recently I realized how much the approval or disapproval of others still influenced me (the way I think and feel about myself) and impacted the decisions I made. In many of my previous blogs I spoke about being unique, original, different and truly embracing that, however the truth is these routes often comes with periods of loneliness, being misunderstood and feelings of isolation. Things I frequently like to avoid. But to truly make an impact or a mark in this world you must be willing to stand alone and confidently following the vision within your heart. Sometime the harshest of life’s experience mold and shape our character, therefore preparing us for what is up ahead.
You are on shaky ground if you are constantly seeking the approval and affirmation of others. People are fickle and their opinion changes like the wind, therefore you can not leave it up to the general public or even close friends or family to always agree with the plans and purposes for your life. Well meaning as they may be you as an individual must be confident in who you are and the decisions you are making for your life.
It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson; in some way I am still learning it. At times I feel I should have already passed this stage and then I remember there is no shame in desiring to improve yourself. No matter the age or stage self improvement never goes out of style. Confidently walk in who you are. Don’t allow things that are subject to change influence your perception or decision making.
I know….Where have I been?! There is so much I can that would fully explain my disappearing act, however there is two words which sums it all up: “In Process.” This journey of accepting myself, changing careers and discovering the deeper parts of who I am has been a major endeavor. This type of transformation leaves one quiet, reflective and feeling quite lonely. They say a change of this kind usually occurs in your late teens/early twenties, but the truth is it can happen at any age or at any time. You simply have to be open to it and willing to do the necessary work to complete the process. I have experienced many highs and lows thus far, nevertheless they have all played a role in moving me into a greater sense of purpose and identity. Some call it an awakening or an epiphany, but I’d rather call it seeing what lies “Beneath The Surface.”
The journey of self-discovery is one trip everyone should at once (or twice) in their life time. Life experiences and events have a way of shaping many aspects of who we are. I guess that’s why I ended up in Social Services serving youth and families. The study of human behaviour, the nature of families and how we relate to one another has always interested me. Yet I have come to realize we don’t take the same time to assess and critique ourselves; analyzing our own patterns of behaviour, take inventory of our own thoughts and boldly looking behind things in our lives that are just taking up space. This is where the work really is. Asking yourself the hard questions and being willing to search for the answers.
Some think if you get a new wardrobe or hairstyle, job/position, house or relationship that you have somehow transformed or invented yourself. In some small way you have, but that is not the kind I am referring to. Real transformation happens from the inside out. Looking at yourself – the good, the bad and the ugly – and deciding to make changes. Going beyond the temporal circumstances of life and seeing all that is within you. This is not an easy thing. Truth be told this process has probably been the most challenging time of my life. Enduring the pain, discomfort, uncertainty, loneliness and at times even shame until I arrive at a deeper understanding of who I am and what the next phase in my life will be.
We live in a age where people hide. Hiding who they are, how they REALLY feel about themselves and where they are at in life. They hide behind relationships, position, social status’, money and so much more. I for one got tired of wearing a mask a long time ago and I made a promise to myself. That I would do whatever it takes to ensure my freedom to walk boldly and confidently, with my head held up high, no matter the current circumstances. This resolve has allowed me to cultivate gift I didn’t know I had and firmly ground myself in all that I am 🙂
Being authentic and genuine is offend the road less travelled. You wouldn’t think that, unfortunately it is true. Whatever process you choose to start be committed to seeing through until the end. Don’t cheat yourself; you are worth it!!
And keep in mind you have to dig for gold and it gets purified through heat and fire. Make the hard, but good choices. They may in fact lead you into probably the greatest chapter of your life.