Taking a closer look at the nature of dating and relationships has been quite enlightening so far. In my previous post I touched on the “Unspoken Fears” women deal with when in a committed relationship. It has caused me to do my own personal internal spring cleaning; to take a closer look at myself and any insecurities I may have. Many avoid doing it, but I have learned it is needed periodically throughout life. Working through such things affords you the opportunity to grow and mature. This will ensure you have a positive dating experience and help you choose a suitable and compatible life partner. The better you know yourself the more equipped you are to enter into and maintain a life long relationship.
I’ve often wondered why people hide aspects of who they are during the dating process. I’ve even heard stories of individuals who pretend to be someone else through the ENTIRE dating period right up until marriage. This is a frightening thought!! I would assume it is because there are parts of themselves that they are ashamed of or insecure about. For some there may be other reasons, but it has been my observation that this is the case. Yet if building a long, lasting relationship is your end goal, being yourself is the only way to ensure the relationship is successful.
In speaking with a close friend she shared her experiences from a past relationship. In her case she sacrificed much of who she was to make her mate happy. Surrendering her identity out of fear among other things. She subjected herself to a man who was controlling, inconsiderate and unwilling to work on himself or contribute equally to the relationship. Now looking back if she was given another chance to do things over she definitely would. And oddly enough I am at that the same place.
I no longer believe fairly tales, however I do believe in committed relationships based on honesty, respect, acceptance, communication, kindness and trust. I have also held myself back out of fear of rejection. Nevertheless I have come to realize any relationship where I have to change who I am in order for it to work and be accepted is a relationship I don’t want. Don’t forfeit your happiness out of a fear of ending up alone or whatever other thought crosses your mind. Settling for such a reason will only ensure your own unhappiness.
Being happy with yourself is more important than someone else being happy with you…..
Thank YOU to all who are taking time to read this blog!! It really means a lot!! It is my desire that this blog will not only discuss the idea of “REAL” beauty and challenge the current stereotypes and social norms surrounding a woman’s appearance, but also take a hard look at the many issues which impact women specially in the area of self-esteem, relationships and world views. As mentioned before women are complex. There are many sides which make up a woman and none should ever be overlooked or taken lightly! Yet time and time again women some how get reduced to being a sexual object with the sole purpose of satisfying ones sexual pleasure. This sadly is not a new issue, but one that has plagued women centuries.
Now I’m not a feminist by any means, but I have often wondered what it was like for women in the year days who fought for women’s rights. The right to an education, to work and earn money, to own property or even run for political office. The rights I freely exercise today! It is amazing to think it wasn’t that long ago women were given the right to vote or permitted to hold positions that were solely designated to men. Nevertheless even in the mist of progress to this day women are fragrantly portrayed and often treated as women sexual objects. With the media, the entertainment industry both film and music [mainly pornography and rap music] along with human trafficking playing a huge role in perpetuating these archaic ideals the real problems lies when women themselves adopt these notions into their own core values.
Over the course of my career in Social Services I have had the opportunity to speak with numerous young girls and women and I am always astounded by what they believe about themselves. An array of experiences have brought them to that place, but the root of it all the same. A lie. At some point a lie was presented masquerading as the truth. Deception set in and the lie was embraced truth. Strangely enough many have shared they all felt something was wrong with what was said or done and yet never challenged it. Giving life to the lie that they are an object ie. “if it happened or if it was said it must be true.”
Being objectified is a degrading and deeply wounding experience. It rips at the fabric of a woman’s soul. If not addressed it can become a wall barricading one from ever having a full life; like a self inflicted prison. Because the truth is you can never out run what you believe about yourself. It is virtually impossible! In some form or another whether big or some every woman has experienced this, myself included. I too have had to fight to not believe the lies that were once presented to me as truth. It is a battle I still fight today in some ways. I am fortunate to have a great support network including friends and family, my faith and a strong church who constantly speak words of life and positivity into my life. Always reminding me that the past and what said or done does not dictate nor determined who I am or what I will become.
Never let the actions or the words of one person over shadow the beauty of who you are. You are NOT an object nor is your sole purpose for someone else’s personal gratification.
You are so much more than that!! Never forget it!!
Greetings One and All!! I realize it has been a number of months since my last post. Between my computer crashing and taking it in for repairs twice plus breaking my finger on my writing hand I haven’t written much as of late. The good news is although my finger is still healing something recently happened and it got me thinking. Now this topic reaches a bit beyond the realm of fashion, but it does however strongly look at the idea beauty and peoples personal define of it. And frankly as a woman I know I am not the only one who has thought this, so I am just going to put myself out there!!
There is a saying that says “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. I suppose it is true to some degree. I have often heard this phrase used in a positive ways; to encourage and increase self-esteem or to introduce new points of view. Yet as positive as it may seem I am now seeing it through different eyes.
Growing up I assumed everyone was special and unique in their own way. I was always interested in getting to know the heart of a person rather than just to size them up by what they looked like! However I learned very quickly through society, the media and sadly through certain relationships that this is not how the world works. It was made very clear to me at a young age that appearances are of far greater importance than character, integrity or the condition of one’s heart. The notion “beauty is to be found in every person you meet” is considered outlandish or down right laughable!
So the question is “Who decides?” Because if beauty is truly in the eye of the “beholder” then that leaves everyone subject and at the complete mercy of every person with opinion. Case in point: You have two women. Woman #1 is a fitness model type; aesthetically pleasing by industry standards (fitness/product promotion). Woman #2 is in shape a well, however not to the same degree as woman #1, but nevertheless stunning. Woman #1 does photo shoots and travels due to her physique. Woman #2 does not. Is one more beautiful than the other? The fact that one is a fitness model and is considered beautiful/attractive by a specific group of people does that nullify the beauty of the other woman because she is not in the same category? The answer is NO!! And if by chance a man came along and looked at both women, and decided he was interested in woman #1 that would be his choice. A woman’s beauty needs no affirmation from a man or any other outside source. The sad thing is some men cannot see true beauty, so just because they can’t see does not mean it is not there!!
The truth is REAL beauty goes beyond aesthetics. I am tired a woman’s beauty being reduced to the size of her “rack”, the circumference her backside or any other physical attribute someone chooses to highlight!! Real beauty exudes from within….And if you don’t got it there is no physical enhancement that can compensate for that!! In all honesty I would rather be woman #2 any day of the week. Physical enhancements I can get, weight I can loose, but true beauty….that stuff just ain’t lying around at the local corner store!!!
Know and value your own beauty…if you don’t no one else will!!